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Korisnikov avatar
By 4NY K3Y
#750610
Two carrots were walking down the road one day when all of a sudden a car drove by and hit one of them. The other carrot took the injured carrot to the hospital.
After examining him the doctor came into the waiting room and said, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is your friend will live. The bad news is he'll be a vegetable the rest of his life."
Korisnikov avatar
By 4NY K3Y
#750611
This young couple had only been married for about two weeks when the wife complains of a burning sensation in her chest. She tells her husband who suggests that she goes to the doctor to be examined. She arranges an appointment and goes the following day.
The husband, while at work receives a call from the doctor.
Doctor: "I am sorry to say your wife has acute angina..."
Husband: "Yeah, I know, she's got a nice pair of tits too!"
Korisnikov avatar
By 4NY K3Y
#750612
A guy was going on vacation and he didn't want his girl friend to have sex with any other guy while he was gone so the guy want to a porn shop and said to the clerk, "I need something to keep my girlfriend from having sex with another guy!"
So the clerk gets a box and said, "This is a Voodoo Dick. Here is a example of how it works," and the clerk said, "Voodoo Dick, the door!" and the dick went and fucked the door.
Then the clerk said to get in the box say 'voodoo dick your box.'"
So the guy brings it to his girlfriend and shows her how to use it but didn't tell her how to make it stop.
The next morning before she went to work she said, "Voodoo Dick, my pussy!" and it was the best sex she ever had, but she didn't know how to get it to stop.
So she went to the Doctors with it fucking her and eventually got in to see a gynaecologist.
She said, "I have a Voodoo Dick in my pussy and there's no way I can get it out!"
The Doctor looks at her suspiciously and says, "Voodoo Dick, my ass!"
Korisnikov avatar
By 4NY K3Y
#750621
A young man goes to a doctor for a physical examination. When he gets into the room, the man strips for his exam. He has a dick the size of a little kid's little finger.
A nurse standing in the room sees his little dick and begins to laugh hysterically.
The young man gives her a stern look and say, "You shouldn't laugh, it's been swollen like that for two weeks now!"
Korisnikov avatar
By VANGEL
#750946
Zove plavusa JAT i pita sluzbenicu koliko traje let od Beograda do Londona.
Sluzbenica joj ljubazno kaze:
samo trenutak.
Hvala rece plavusa i spusti slusalicu.:)
Korisnikov avatar
By forest
#751947
dakle,
sta se dobije kada se stavi kondom na drsku od metle?



(cekam "sta?" da vas prosvetlim)
Korisnikov avatar
By forest
#752321
i dalje cekam "sta?"!!!
ili vi ne zelite da budete enlighted!?

dzabe je ljudi, DZABE!!!!
haj' hajd'...
Korisnikov avatar
By forest
#752647
i give up...

ta dah:
djoka vjeshtica.

na! smejte se.
Korisnikov avatar
By forest
#752850
ok, sada bi bilo lepo da neko obrise ovaj, tako bolni za mene, debakl...
is it possible, master Yoda?
Korisnikov avatar
By novy
#753643
ovo je moja omiljena fora:

pitas sagovornika da li zna kako mirise vaginalni sekret jednogodisnje devojcice i kad on pita "kako?", poturis mu dva prsta pod nos...

:)
Korisnikov avatar
By tinkerbell
#753835
Ovo je verovatno bilo... Ali ja ga tek skoro cuh i :smeh: :smeh:

Dolazi ortak Sasi Maticu lupi ga po ramenu i kaze : 'de si brate! A sasa Matic : nemam pojma!

:smeh: :smeh: :smeh:
Korisnikov avatar
By novy
#753875
A jel znas kad prolazi Sasa Matic pored lika u invalidskim kolicima i kaze mu: "Ej brate, kako ide?", a ovaj odgovara: "Pa evo, kao sto vidis..."
:redaljka:
By JamieFOX
#754402
Vracaju se grbavi i copavi iz provoda u sitne sate. Posto su bili umorni grbavi odluci da preprece preko groblja. Copavi se prestrasi i krene da ga zaobidje ali grbavi ne da:
"Ne! Idemo pravo kroz groblje"!
Sta ce, copavi nerado pristane. Negde na plovini, iza jednog groba iskoci vrag i zaurla na grbavca koji je naisao prvi:
"Stoj! Ko si ti"!
"J-j-j ja sam grbavac" - rece grbavac polumrtav.
"A, otkud ides"?
"Iz provoda".
"Aaa, sta to nosis na ledjima"? - dreknu vrag
"Nista, to mi je grba..."
"Daj to ovamo, picka ti materina"!
Uze vrag grbu i shutnu grbavca koji zajedno s kompanjonom u'vati dzadu. Kad su dosli sebi po izlasku, copavac se zagleda u druga i sinu mu ideja - vratice se u groblje da namakne vraga da i njega "uredi". Krene on kroz groblje, istim putem, pa polako do mesta gde se vrag bio pojavio. Iza istog groba opet iskoci vrag:
"Stoj! Ko si ti"!
"Ja sam copavac" - poce glumiti copavi
"A, otkud ides"?
"Iz provoda". - sve isto ponovi copavac
"Aaa, gde ti je grba?
"Paaa, nemam je" - zbuni se copavi
"Nemas, a" ?! E, onda evo ti je"!!!


Obore nasi NATO pilota i on se katapultira iznad Crne Gore. Padne on u neku nedodjiju i posle nekoliko dana lutanja po kamenjaru naidje na jednu kucu s upaljenim svetlom. Ocajan, resi da udje u kucu i zatrazi malo vode. Kad tamo, za stolom sedi Crnogorac i zena mu, nepomicno, k'o mrtvi. Pilot poce gestikulirati ali kad se oni i ne pomerise, on pridje slavini i sam se napi. Nakon nekoliko sati, on pokusa da im objasni da je gladan ali sve se ponovi isto, ni jedno ni drugo ni okom da trepnu, samo sede bez glasa. Sta ce, uze on sam da jede. Kako pomoc nije stizala, a vreme se oduzilo, postade on vrlo ”horny" pa navali na zenu i ubi je od qrc. U tom se zacu helikopter a pilot navuce uniformu, uskoci u helikopter i ode. Zena sva razbarusena, napokon progovori:
"Milo, jadan, a vidje li ti sto mi ovi uchinje"?!
Na to ce muz:
"Ha! Prva si progovorila! Ti gasis svijetlo"!
By JamieFOX
#755249
Originally posted by JamieFOX

Obore nasi NATO pilota
jbg! Hteo sam reci - NATO avion."Nece jezik nego pravo"!:smilegrin:
By fazza
#762371
A Croation family was considering putting their
grandfather (djed) in a nursing home.
All the Croation facilities were completely full so
they had to put him in an Serbian home.

After a few weeks in the Srbski Dom, the family came
to visit deda.

"Djede, how do you like it here?" asks the grandson.

"It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and
respectful," says grandfather.

"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this
was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different
from everyone."

"Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they
treat the residents here," deda says with a big smile.

There's a musician here named Dusan-- he's 85 years
old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him
'Maestro'!"

There is a judge in here named Bojan -- he's 95
years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still
calls him 'Your Honor'!"

And there's a physician here named Stojan -- 90>> years old. He hasn't been
practicing medicine for 25 years and everyone still calls him 'Doctor'!"

And me......, I haven't had sex for 35 years and
they still call me

'The Fucking Croat'!
Korisnikov avatar
By west end
#764972
Zasto su Mariju Serifovic poslali na pesmu Evrovizije?

Pa da je ne bi poslali u vojsku :smeh:
Korisnikov avatar
By sweety
#765680
Ušla dva pileta u kafanu i piju, piju, piju, piju.......

. Išle tri kornjache oko sveta. Kad su došle u pustinju, sete se da su zaboravile vodu. Prva nije htela
da se vrati po vodu, a ni druga, ni treca. Dogovoriše se nekako da pođe treca a druge dve da ne
jedu hranu dok se ne vrati. Prođe šest meseci, prva reche:
• 'Ajmo da jedemo!
Druga reche:
• Ne smemo prekršiti obecanje.
Prođe još šest meseci a nje nema. Druga je htela da jede a prva ce:
• Nisam smela ja, pa neceš ni ti.
Prođe još šest meseci i pochnu jesti, a iza kamena izviri treca:
• Nisam se ni okrenula, a vi pochele da jedete!


Jedna krava pita drugu:
• Jesi li čula za onu bolest kravljeg ludila?
• Ma baš me briga, ja sam pingvin.


Trče 2 zeca šumom i slučajno nalete na pušku. Stanu oni i gledaju, šta je ovo, otkud puška tu? Jedan od njihj se sagne, uzme pušku, okreće je, gleda izbliza a ovaj drugi gleda u cev. Odjednom, puška opali, i pogodi ovog što je gledao u cev. Grozan prizor, glava rascopana, mozak curi, oči vise... kad će njemu ovaj drugi zec:
• Šta je bre, nemoj tako da me gledaš, i ja sam se uplašio!


Mali komarac poleti na svoj prvi let nakon saveta od majke. Posle nekog vremena vraća se mali komarac i pita ga majka:
• Kako je bilo, sine?
• Super, mama! Kada su me videli kako letim, svi su mi pljeskali!


Puse travu zec i pile. Smota zeka mali joint i puse oni tako pa upita zeka pile:
- "Jel osjecas nesto?"
Kaze pile:
- "Nita..."
Smota zeko veci joint i puse oni tako ka opet upita zeka:
- "Jel osjecas sad nesto?"
Veli pile:
- "Nita."
Smota zeka sad joinitnu, natrpa samo trave bez duvana i puse oni opet i pita sad zeka:
- "Pa dobro jel osjecas sad nesto??"
Na to ce pile:
- "Ne, nita, ni klun, ni kvivca ni noge..."


Razgovaraju dve svinje u oboru:
• Šta misliš, ima li života posle Božića?
Korisnikov avatar
By vremecuda
#765770
Postoje 5 vrsta zena:

1.Nevina--neda nikom
2.Ima decka--daje samo njemu
3.Ima muza--daje samo njemu
4.Kurva--daje svakom
5.KUCKA--NEDA SAMO TEBI:klap:
Korisnikov avatar
By sweety
#765982
Postoje 5 vrsta zena:

1.Nevina--neda nijednoj
2.Ima devojku--daje samo njoj
3.Ima zenu--daje samo njoj
4.Kurva--daje svakoj
5.KUCKA--NEDA SAMO TEBI:klap:

...moja verzija;)
Korisnikov avatar
By vremecuda
#766077
Originally posted by sweety
Postoje 5 vrsta zena:

1.Nevina--neda nijednoj
2.Ima devojku--daje samo njoj
3.Ima zenu--daje samo njoj
4.Kurva--daje svakoj
5.KUCKA--NEDA SAMO TEBI:klap:

...moja verzija;)


:up: :up: :up:
Korisnikov avatar
By Zaljubljena
#767766
Ovaj je verovatno vec bio....al za mene je neprevazidjen..

Sede dve babe i piju kafu, dodje 3 i opere solje:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

I svi ostali vicevi slicni ovome :roflmao: :roflmao:
Korisnikov avatar
By wuchkica
#772345
Jedan mladi protestanski svestenik bio je toliko nervozan da pre svoje prve mise nije mogao ni rec da progovori, pa upita biskupa za savet. Ovaj mu rece da sledeci put pre mise popije casu vode u koju ce sipati par kapi votke i odmah ce se osecati slobodnije. Posle toga, svestenik se osecao tako dobro da ga vise nista nije moglo uznemiriti. Medjutim, u povratku sa mise pronadje ceduljicu od biskupa:


Postovani svestenice, sledeci put stavite nekoliko kapljica votke u vodu a ne obrnuto. Osim toga, evo jos nekoliko saveta kako se neki ispadi ne bi ponovili:
1) Nije potrebno stavljati kriske limuna na ivicu pehara.
2) Ne oslanjajte se vise na statuu blazene device Marije, ne grlite je i ne ljubite je.
3) Postoji 10 bozijih zapovesti a ne 12, 12 apostola, a ne 7. Nijedan od njih nije bio patuljak.
4) David je pobedio Golijata prackom i kamenom, nije ga sjebao i prosuo mu mozak.

5) Judu ne nazivamo kurvinim sinom.
6) Papu ne zovemo El Padrino.
7) Bin Laden nema nikakve veze sa Isusovom smrcu.
8) Hostija nije grickalica uz vino, vec za vernike.
9) Gresnici idu u pakao, a ne u pizdu materinu.
10) Onaj u uglu pored zbora, kojeg ste nazivali pederom, kontrasem i transvestitom u suknji, bio sam ja.

p.s. a ima i varijanta - ne kaze se fajront, nego amin.
Korisnikov avatar
By wuchkica
#772348
Tokom stvaranja sveta Bog diktira andjelu:

"...Stvoricemo Nemce, oni ce biti pedantni i plavi.

Zatim cemo stvoriti Francuze, oni ce biti muzikalni i dobri kuvari.

Stvoricemo Japance, oni ce biti vredni i radni.

Stvoricemo Brazilce, oni ce biti veseli i dobri fudbaleri.

I na kraju, stvoricemo Srbe, oni ce biti pametni, dobri u dusi i

radikali."



Nakon sto je zavrsio dodeljen mu posao, andjeo pita Boga: "Kako to Boze

(majku mu Bozju) da si svim narodima dao po dve vrline, a Srbima tri?!?"



Bog: "Pazi stvarno, bas sam preterao... no Bozja se ne menja. Evo kako

cemo - ostavicemo sve tri, ali cemo uvesti ogranicenje. Svakom Srbinu cemo

dozvoliti da ima samo dve od te tri vrline!"



I tako i bi...

Ako je Srbin dobar u dusi i radikal, onda nije pametan.

Ako je pametan i radikal, onda nije dobar u dusi.

A ako je pametan i dobar u dusi, onda nije radikal.
Korisnikov avatar
By E.c.h.o...
#772362
Originally posted by wuchkica
Jedan mladi protestanski svestenik bio je toliko nervozan da pre svoje prve mise nije mogao ni rec da progovori, pa upita biskupa za savet. Ovaj mu rece da sledeci put pre mise popije casu vode u koju ce sipati par kapi votke i odmah ce se osecati slobodnije. Posle toga, svestenik se osecao tako dobro da ga vise nista nije moglo uznemiriti. Medjutim, u povratku sa mise pronadje ceduljicu od biskupa:


Postovani svestenice, sledeci put stavite nekoliko kapljica votke u vodu a ne obrnuto. Osim toga, evo jos nekoliko saveta kako se neki ispadi ne bi ponovili:
1) Nije potrebno stavljati kriske limuna na ivicu pehara.
2) Ne oslanjajte se vise na statuu blazene device Marije, ne grlite je i ne ljubite je.
3) Postoji 10 bozijih zapovesti a ne 12, 12 apostola, a ne 7. Nijedan od njih nije bio patuljak.
4) David je pobedio Golijata prackom i kamenom, nije ga sjebao i prosuo mu mozak.

5) Judu ne nazivamo kurvinim sinom.
6) Papu ne zovemo El Padrino.
7) Bin Laden nema nikakve veze sa Isusovom smrcu.
8) Hostija nije grickalica uz vino, vec za vernike.
9) Gresnici idu u pakao, a ne u pizdu materinu.
10) Onaj u uglu pored zbora, kojeg ste nazivali pederom, kontrasem i transvestitom u suknji, bio sam ja.

p.s. a ima i varijanta - ne kaze se fajront, nego amin.
:smeh: :pucaodsmeha:
ovo sad prosledjujem dalje!!! odlicno...
Korisnikov avatar
By DarkAngel
#772363
sta radi crnogorski virus u kompu...








pa NISTA :)
Korisnikov avatar
By west end
#772653
Zasto pandur nece da pije pivo?
-Da ne dobije tuborg na mozgu!
:spin:
Korisnikov avatar
By 4NY K3Y
#772695
Weeweechu

One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said ..
"Hey baby, let's play Weeweechu."
"Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon" said Jung Lee.
"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and its the perfect time," Huan Cho Begged.
"But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."
"Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."
Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu."
Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
"Weeweechu a merry Christmas, Weeweechu a merry Christmas,
Weeweechu a merry Christmas, and a happy New Year."
Korisnikov avatar
By 4NY K3Y
#772698
Funny Bubbles

Mother put her little daughter,
twenty minutes under water.
Not to make her any troubles,
just to see the funny bubbles!
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