- 30 Okt 2006, 00:18
#609190
To be an FTM in Macedonia
by Erik Tancorov
I am an FTM transsexual still in a female body. I use my birth name only when I must. To my friends, I am Erik. I am 31 years old and live in Skopje, Macedonia. Until my university studies, I lived in a small town in Eastern Macedonia with my family. I am a psychologist by profession with additional training in psychodrama. Perhaps such general information about me sounds banal, but it has taken me a long time and a lot of struggling to be able to say even this much publicly
Don’t misunderstand; I’ve always felt a strong need to live life as the person I really am. However, in the past, I was held back because of fear of the social environment in which I live, especially fear of rejection by my family. I wasn’t strong enough to fight alone. As a child and youth, I heard the vulgar and aggressive expressions people here use toward those who are different. I was confused. I couldn’t understand why it was so. I couldn’t understand why family violence, public aggression and questions/comments about other’s intimate relationships were considered normal responses to perceived differences. There were moments when I thought it would be best to kill myself in order to protect my family from shame. (Even though I was not sure what was shameful in being different.)
I knew I didn’t have the strength to fight alone. I knew I couldn’t continue living my life like that. I knew that I must find help somewhere. In 1993, I started psychotherapy with a psychotherapist who was my professor in clinical psychology, Lina Unkovska. And then my fight to live life true to myself really began. It took me a year and a half of therapy to be able to start telling others who I really am, to begin the process of searching for social support. The first person I told was my sister. Then, my cousin, who is like a brother to me. Then, my parents. Despite the negative results of this last conversation, I felt like a lion freed from his too small cage. One by one, my friendships grew. Some of them were old acquaintances who became new friends and some, new. I was realizing slowly that I was indeed likeable as Erik. And, through psychology professionals, I was introduced to another person like me, who, by chance, turned out to be a distant cousin. Since then, he and I together have taken on our battles to be socially, medically and legally recognized as transsexuals here, in Macedonia.
My psychotherapist then encouraged me to get in touch with many gender reassignment clinics (in Sweden, in England, in the Netherlands, in Italy, in Germany, in France, in Switzerland and in Serbia) and to read a lot of articles and books about transsexualism. I began to feel strong enough to face the material struggles, which awaited me. With my new information and strength, I was able to follow through with necessary psychiatric, psychological, gynecological, endocrinological and genetic examinations through the Skopje State Hospital, despite the lack of a gender reassignment clinic.
In 1993, I also started working as a paid volunteer on the SOS telephone line in the Crisis Center for Children and Adolescents, financed through the Open Society Institute of Macedonia, and as a psychodramatic co-therapist with refugees from Bosnia. I thought that the coordinators of this work, as psychiatrists, would have understanding for my struggles. But, here I received a big shock. After three and a half years of work, when the main coordinator understood that I am transsexual, she asked me to leave my work with the explanation that I would "project my problems onto my clients", even though she told me my work was excellent thus far. That was 1996, as I was finishing my own psychotherapy and gender reassignment examinations. I had many consenting, professional, medical and psychiatric opinions that I was indeed transsexual. I was already searching for material support for my operations. Regardless, the coordinators told me that I would be let go no matter what I, or others, said.
At that time, I didn’t know that I had the right to sue them for discrimination through the Helsinki Human Rights Committee, and none of my friends were able to help me with this situation. It was strange, but I had had a feeling that I would be asked to leave this position and had already discussed this feeling with several psychology professionals, who didn’t believe that I would be let go. It was a shock for them as well. When it happened, I openly discussed the reason for my dismissal with all of my Open Society Institute colleagues, who remain my friends to this day. They were unable to prevent me from being dismissed. And, I wasn’t able to ask for help from my parents because they would have understood this dismissal as proof of my craziness.
In the meantime, I received written professional opinions stating the necessity of my gender reassignment surgery from my psychotherapist, Lina Unkovska and from the psychiatrist, Zaneta Karagoceva-Prodanovska. Following this, I received approval for gender reassignment surgery from the Belgrade gender reassignment multi-professional team and clinic, where I can most readily receive quality operations at a reasonable cost. This multi-professional team is made up of an endocrinologist, a psychiatrist specialized in sexual and gender issues, and a physician. Then, I continued to search for material support for the operations through the Macedonian Social Security system (FSZO), through which I hoped to find such support under the category of "chronically ill". (In Macedonia, there are no laws regarding transsexuals, so searching for financial support through the state is very complicated. Here, taking testosterone on a regular basis can be looked at as evidence of a chronic medical condition.) Gender reassignment operations are not performed in Macedonia, thus I had to get approval from the FSZO to have the operations abroad, i.e. in Belgrade. I was requested to get three consenting opinions from the psychiatric clinic of the state hospital in Skopje, which I did. I (and my cousin) received consenting signatures from the most eminent psychiatrist in the psychiatric clinic, Dr. Vitomir Micev, from the child psychiatrist Marija Raleva, and from the clinical psychologist, Angelina Filipovska.
Despite fulfilling this request of the FSZO, our first petition was refused with the explanation that "the resources for "curing" transsexualism in Macedonia were not yet exhausted". Our second petition to the FSZO was also refused with the same explanation. Since then, I’ve discovered that there is not a single psychiatrist or psychologist sitting on the decision-making board of the FSZO. I’ve also been informed that this is the first gender reassignment case to be brought before the FSZO.
Our last hope for a successful petition was then the Macedonian Supreme Court. Through my friend’s brother, who is an attorney, I found a lawyer, Donco Nakov, who had worked on similar cases in Holland and Czechoslovakia. He agreed to take on this case for myself and for my cousin without pay. With his aid, we won the case in the beginning of 1999, with the judicial conclusion that the FSZO decision-making board is not competent to decide cases of this magnitude. Further judicial conclusions stated that when other such requests are brought before the FSZO, there must be at least two competent board members in the decision-making process and upon refusal, a detailed explanation must be provided, with references to Macedonian law and European standards (although Macedonia is not yet a signatory). At the conclusion of this Supreme Court decision, through Zaneta Karagoceva, a journalist became interested in our situations and wrote an article about us for the magazine, "Denes". (I can provide you with a copy of this article if you are interested.)
However, the Kosovo crisis has focused all political, social and medical resources elsewhere. I have been unable to appeal to the FSZO board, and the gender reassignment clinic in Belgrade has been destroyed. And, although I have information from other clinics abroad, I am unable to use their resources. To do so, I would need to obtain permission for residency status abroad and for this, I need proof of financial independence. It seems to be a vicious circle.
In the second half of 1998, I had received information that gender reassignmment surgery would start to be carried out in the plastic surgery clinic of the state hospital in Skopje as of the middle of 1999. That was wonderful news. But, again, because of the Kosovo crisis, nothing has yet happened. I am running out of hope that there will be a solution for me here, in Macedonia. I’m not sure where to turn. And, I feel time is running through my fingers.
by Erik Tancorov
I am an FTM transsexual still in a female body. I use my birth name only when I must. To my friends, I am Erik. I am 31 years old and live in Skopje, Macedonia. Until my university studies, I lived in a small town in Eastern Macedonia with my family. I am a psychologist by profession with additional training in psychodrama. Perhaps such general information about me sounds banal, but it has taken me a long time and a lot of struggling to be able to say even this much publicly
Don’t misunderstand; I’ve always felt a strong need to live life as the person I really am. However, in the past, I was held back because of fear of the social environment in which I live, especially fear of rejection by my family. I wasn’t strong enough to fight alone. As a child and youth, I heard the vulgar and aggressive expressions people here use toward those who are different. I was confused. I couldn’t understand why it was so. I couldn’t understand why family violence, public aggression and questions/comments about other’s intimate relationships were considered normal responses to perceived differences. There were moments when I thought it would be best to kill myself in order to protect my family from shame. (Even though I was not sure what was shameful in being different.)
I knew I didn’t have the strength to fight alone. I knew I couldn’t continue living my life like that. I knew that I must find help somewhere. In 1993, I started psychotherapy with a psychotherapist who was my professor in clinical psychology, Lina Unkovska. And then my fight to live life true to myself really began. It took me a year and a half of therapy to be able to start telling others who I really am, to begin the process of searching for social support. The first person I told was my sister. Then, my cousin, who is like a brother to me. Then, my parents. Despite the negative results of this last conversation, I felt like a lion freed from his too small cage. One by one, my friendships grew. Some of them were old acquaintances who became new friends and some, new. I was realizing slowly that I was indeed likeable as Erik. And, through psychology professionals, I was introduced to another person like me, who, by chance, turned out to be a distant cousin. Since then, he and I together have taken on our battles to be socially, medically and legally recognized as transsexuals here, in Macedonia.
My psychotherapist then encouraged me to get in touch with many gender reassignment clinics (in Sweden, in England, in the Netherlands, in Italy, in Germany, in France, in Switzerland and in Serbia) and to read a lot of articles and books about transsexualism. I began to feel strong enough to face the material struggles, which awaited me. With my new information and strength, I was able to follow through with necessary psychiatric, psychological, gynecological, endocrinological and genetic examinations through the Skopje State Hospital, despite the lack of a gender reassignment clinic.
In 1993, I also started working as a paid volunteer on the SOS telephone line in the Crisis Center for Children and Adolescents, financed through the Open Society Institute of Macedonia, and as a psychodramatic co-therapist with refugees from Bosnia. I thought that the coordinators of this work, as psychiatrists, would have understanding for my struggles. But, here I received a big shock. After three and a half years of work, when the main coordinator understood that I am transsexual, she asked me to leave my work with the explanation that I would "project my problems onto my clients", even though she told me my work was excellent thus far. That was 1996, as I was finishing my own psychotherapy and gender reassignment examinations. I had many consenting, professional, medical and psychiatric opinions that I was indeed transsexual. I was already searching for material support for my operations. Regardless, the coordinators told me that I would be let go no matter what I, or others, said.
At that time, I didn’t know that I had the right to sue them for discrimination through the Helsinki Human Rights Committee, and none of my friends were able to help me with this situation. It was strange, but I had had a feeling that I would be asked to leave this position and had already discussed this feeling with several psychology professionals, who didn’t believe that I would be let go. It was a shock for them as well. When it happened, I openly discussed the reason for my dismissal with all of my Open Society Institute colleagues, who remain my friends to this day. They were unable to prevent me from being dismissed. And, I wasn’t able to ask for help from my parents because they would have understood this dismissal as proof of my craziness.
In the meantime, I received written professional opinions stating the necessity of my gender reassignment surgery from my psychotherapist, Lina Unkovska and from the psychiatrist, Zaneta Karagoceva-Prodanovska. Following this, I received approval for gender reassignment surgery from the Belgrade gender reassignment multi-professional team and clinic, where I can most readily receive quality operations at a reasonable cost. This multi-professional team is made up of an endocrinologist, a psychiatrist specialized in sexual and gender issues, and a physician. Then, I continued to search for material support for the operations through the Macedonian Social Security system (FSZO), through which I hoped to find such support under the category of "chronically ill". (In Macedonia, there are no laws regarding transsexuals, so searching for financial support through the state is very complicated. Here, taking testosterone on a regular basis can be looked at as evidence of a chronic medical condition.) Gender reassignment operations are not performed in Macedonia, thus I had to get approval from the FSZO to have the operations abroad, i.e. in Belgrade. I was requested to get three consenting opinions from the psychiatric clinic of the state hospital in Skopje, which I did. I (and my cousin) received consenting signatures from the most eminent psychiatrist in the psychiatric clinic, Dr. Vitomir Micev, from the child psychiatrist Marija Raleva, and from the clinical psychologist, Angelina Filipovska.
Despite fulfilling this request of the FSZO, our first petition was refused with the explanation that "the resources for "curing" transsexualism in Macedonia were not yet exhausted". Our second petition to the FSZO was also refused with the same explanation. Since then, I’ve discovered that there is not a single psychiatrist or psychologist sitting on the decision-making board of the FSZO. I’ve also been informed that this is the first gender reassignment case to be brought before the FSZO.
Our last hope for a successful petition was then the Macedonian Supreme Court. Through my friend’s brother, who is an attorney, I found a lawyer, Donco Nakov, who had worked on similar cases in Holland and Czechoslovakia. He agreed to take on this case for myself and for my cousin without pay. With his aid, we won the case in the beginning of 1999, with the judicial conclusion that the FSZO decision-making board is not competent to decide cases of this magnitude. Further judicial conclusions stated that when other such requests are brought before the FSZO, there must be at least two competent board members in the decision-making process and upon refusal, a detailed explanation must be provided, with references to Macedonian law and European standards (although Macedonia is not yet a signatory). At the conclusion of this Supreme Court decision, through Zaneta Karagoceva, a journalist became interested in our situations and wrote an article about us for the magazine, "Denes". (I can provide you with a copy of this article if you are interested.)
However, the Kosovo crisis has focused all political, social and medical resources elsewhere. I have been unable to appeal to the FSZO board, and the gender reassignment clinic in Belgrade has been destroyed. And, although I have information from other clinics abroad, I am unable to use their resources. To do so, I would need to obtain permission for residency status abroad and for this, I need proof of financial independence. It seems to be a vicious circle.
In the second half of 1998, I had received information that gender reassignmment surgery would start to be carried out in the plastic surgery clinic of the state hospital in Skopje as of the middle of 1999. That was wonderful news. But, again, because of the Kosovo crisis, nothing has yet happened. I am running out of hope that there will be a solution for me here, in Macedonia. I’m not sure where to turn. And, I feel time is running through my fingers.
