Gay-Serbia.com | Diskusije

Znate li da najmanji procenat silovanja u svetu izvrši neko koga ne poznajete? Mene je to šokiralo. Podaci u procentima su sledeći:

Steady dating partner 21.6%
Casual friend 16.5%
Ex-boyfriend 12.2%
Acquaintance 10.8%
Close friend 10.1%
Casual date 10.1%
Husband 7.2%
Stranger 2%


PS Radi se o silovanju žene od strane muškarca, a podaci su za USA. Razlikuju se za svet za par procenata tamo-vamo, ali je odnos isti.

Šokantno, zar ne? A nas vaspitavaju da ne otvaramo vrata nepoznatima i ne šetamo se noću same. A ono - close friend - cap.

Another thing... Svako od nas poznaje bar dve osobe koje je neko pokušao da siluje ili ne daj bože silovao.


Statistika je poražavajuća.



Odsekla bih im onu stvar. Na živo.

To je poznata cinjenica. Problem je sto ponekad zene ni ne percipiraju odredjeni seksualni odnos kao silovanje, recimo ukoliko je u pitanju momak ili suprug. A to je vec pitanje nasilja u vezi ili u braku.

odsekla bih im i ja svima 'onu' stvar..
..ali bih isto tako odsekla tu istu stvar svima onima koji dozive nesto slicno ili bar znaju za slucaj silovanja nekog njima bliskog a ne rade nista povodom toga. cutanje je porazavajuca stvar i dok god je cutanja bice i silovanja.

ne mogu da saosecam sa takvim osobama, na svoju srecu, ali ne mogu ni da osetim empatiju prema nekome ko je doziveo nesto ovako strasno a cuti.. makar kakva cena bila, ja ne bih cutala.

@Paranoandrosomething
Ne znas kako je, nisi se nasla u takvoj situaciji. Postoje mnogi razlozi zbog kojih zene cute i pate u tisini, narocito ako su mladje (maloletne), finansijski zavisne od drugih ili zive u malim sredinama.

@bigirl
To je u principu poznata stvar i ne samo za odrasle zene, vec i za zlostavljanje dece (bez obzira na pol deteta). Procentualno najveci broj zlostavljaca je osoba bliska ili bar dobro poznata zrtvi.

znala sam statistku.

teže je kad ga poznaješ, kad veruješ u njega. najteže je kad ga voliš.

Originally posted by Paranoid Androgynoid
odsekla bih im i ja svima 'onu' stvar..
..ali bih isto tako odsekla tu istu stvar svima onima koji dozive nesto slicno ili bar znaju za slucaj silovanja nekog njima bliskog a ne rade nista povodom toga. cutanje je porazavajuca stvar i dok god je cutanja bice i silovanja.

ne mogu da saosecam sa takvim osobama, na svoju srecu, ali ne mogu ni da osetim empatiju prema nekome ko je doziveo nesto ovako strasno a cuti.. makar kakva cena bila, ja ne bih cutala.

ćutila sam. i nikad nisam ih pojavila. da ponovo se dešava, ne bih ga pojavila.

@pthalo
i sta bi postigla cutanjem da se to opet ponovi?

Originally posted by xx LooDa KrAwItZa xx
@Paranoandrosomething
Ne znas kako je, nisi se nasla u takvoj situaciji. Postoje mnogi razlozi zbog kojih zene cute i pate u tisini, narocito ako su mladje (maloletne), finansijski zavisne od drugih ili zive u malim sredinama.

I ne samo zbog toga... Ja, recimo, ne dao bog... Ali... Znam kakva sam osoba. Za 99% situacija ZNAM sigurno kako bih se ponela. Ali tako nešto da mi se desi... Ne znam. (I ne želim da znam!) Ali ne znam. Da li bih bila toliko besna da bih uzela pištolj i ukokala ga? Ili bih bila besna na sebe, pa ukokala sebe? Ili bih se pravila da se nije desilo? To se nikad ne zna...

(Neki od razloga zašto ljudi ćute... Pisali su oni koji su preživeli silovanje.)

Please don't...


1. Ask if we liked it.
No one likes being physically overpowered.

2. Tell us "it's just sex".
Rape is a crime of power, control, and extreme violence where sex is used
as a weapon against someone weaker. It is not sex.

3. Tell us how we could have avoided it.
Believe me, if we could have prevented it we would have.

4. Make fun of us.
We have faced an attacker who sometimes is willing to kill and have
survived. What's there to make fun of?

5. Tell us it would never happen to you and why.
We didn't think we would become statistics either.

6. There's no need to avoid us.
We're still the same person you've come to care about or learned to care
about. We've just been unspeakably hurt. We're not contagious.

7. Please don't treat us like we have the plague.
Chances are we don't. Do you?

8. God isn't punishing us for some misdeed by allowing this to happen.
God helps us heal. He doesn't send someone to hurt His people.

9. Don't tell us it was God's will we were raped.
Do tell us it was God's will that we survived!

10. Don't disbelieve us.
According to survey respondents being disbelieved is a survivor's greatest
fear.

11. Don't tell us that survivors make up tales for attention.
According to The National Coalition Against Sexual Assault false rape
reports only happen 2% of the time. That's a 98% chance that no matter how
strange it sounds to you the rape isn't being fabricated.

12. Don't tell me not to talk about it.
Yes it upsets me to talk about it but that is the only way
that I can sort through it.

13. Don't say, 'it happened on a date, that's common".
When you say that it belittles me and my feelings about the assault.
It's not common because it happened to me and I'm not a statistic.

14. Don't say "other people have it worse off than you".
I'm not "other people". I'm me.

12. Don't feel you need to retaliate against our attacker.
We know the perpetrator is capable of violence. Please don't make us worry
about you being hurt. We'll feel more secure knowing you'll remain in one
piece.

13. Don't blame us for what happened.
It's not our fault.

14. Don't tell us to "get over it".
We would if we could and we are trying our best. Support us as we struggle
to find our way again.

15. Don't tell us to to put what happened out of our minds.
It's not that simple.

16. Don't tell us "it's no big deal".
Rape is an enormous challenge to heal from. It haunts even our dreams.

17. Try to understand our need to feel safe.
If we disagree about safety issues in the future please realize that
what may sounds strange to you may help us feel safe.

18. Don't say something like, "Well, it's been six months (a year, 5 years
etc.) and ask if we're "over it" yet.
Chances are that we may not be ready to go back to life as it was. We may
never be ready and may have to create a new life for ourselves as we learn
to be safe again.


19. Don't tell us we are weak because it impacts our life.
We are stronger than words can describe.

20. Don't ask us what you are supposed to do to get past what happened to
us.
We aren't sure what we're going to do.

21. Don't ask us if we did anything on purpose that led to the rape.
We didn't do anything except survive.

22. Don't ask us if we couldn't have done something differently during the
attack.
We made the best choices we could to survive. We got away without being
killed didn't we? That's proof our instincts were right. Please help us
learn to realize that ourselves.

23. Don't tell us that it's not rape because we knew the attacker.
Numerous studies tell us that our perpetrators are more likely to be known
to us than unknown.

24. If you give us a hug and we pull away please know that chances are
we're not rejecting you, we're just uncomfortable.
We may have a hard time being able to respond right now.

25. If we do pull away from you please don't get mad. Tell us you care.
Chances are you'll get that hug after all!

26. If you're together and the survivor has a flashback try not to be mad
at the survivor.
We hate the darned things too! Flashbacks are always rough. It's difficult
to know what to do. It's got to be difficult to watch. Any anger should go
the one who caused the rape and not the survivor who has to put her life
together.

27. Don't be afraid to talk to us if we're upset.
Knowing you are there may be just what we need.

28. If we become suicidal please don't take that as a sign of weakness.
Take that as a sign we're overwhelmed, trying to cope, and need help.

29. Don't pretend rape doesn't happen to people you know.
It does. Thank you for reading this to learn about it.

30. Don't get the idea rape just happens to "those" kinds of people.
This crime happens to as many as 1 woman in 4. It crosses ethinc, racial,
economic and social boundaries.

31. Don't be afraid of a person who was raped.
I promise as a survivor, the rape will effect you but won't rub off on
you. The person you love is still the same person as before.

32. Don't deny your feelings after finding out a friend was raped.
Call a rape crisis center's hotline and find out what support is available
for you.

33. Do not tell us we should take it as a compliment.
Rape isnt about lust or attractiveness, its an act of
power and force.

34. Do not tell us "Oh yeah, I know a bunch of girls who've
been raped".
We realize we arent the only ones but by saying that
it belittles how it hurts by making it just another
number.

35. Do not tell a survior "Its no big deal."
We know otherwise.

36. Please don't tell us "Oh well, you'll have other dates that will go better."
What happened wasn't a bad date, it was a crime.

Originally posted by xx LooDa KrAwItZa xx
@Paranoandrosomething
Ne znas kako je, nisi se nasla u takvoj situaciji. Postoje mnogi razlozi zbog kojih zene cute i pate u tisini, narocito ako su mladje (maloletne), finansijski zavisne od drugih ili zive u malim sredinama.

ne, ne znam kako je.. hvala bogu ili kome vec, da se ponovim.
ali znam kako bih reagovala da se ne daj boze, ne daj boze desi nesto tako nekome do koga mi je stalo..
nemam ja mozga kad su takve stvari u pitanju i sve barijere i sve barikade i svako jebeno sve sto moze da me inace zaustavi u takvim situacijama ne moze.
ne tolerisem nasilje. ne tolerisem nista ovog tipa i zatvor bih dozivotno lezala, ne da se meni desi nesto ovako, nego bilo kome do koga mi je stalo.. ne bih mogla da reagujem makar mi to poslednje u zivotu bilo.

over and out.

Originally posted by bigirl
Statistika je poražavajuća.

statistika kao i uvek služi za obmanjivanje mase!

enivej, i ja bi im odsekao onu stvar za silovanje! ili obesio bi' ih up-side-down-za-istu!

Originally posted by Swanheart
@pthalo
i sta bi postigla cutanjem da se to opet ponovi?

u 2006 u Mađarskoj, 96% zeňe su ćutale. Da ne ćutim šta bih postigla? Ništa. Da ćutim, bar ne treba da dokazim da nisam kriva. Neću da čujem "zar nisi vrištala?" ili "zar nisi glasnije vrištala?" "da li si uradila sve što je bilo u tvojoj moći?" (da, ali kako da to dokazim?). Da ćutim, ne bi trebalo ponovo i ponovo objasniti šta se dogodilo, ne bi trebalo ponovo i ponovo ga videti. I ako ne mogu da dokazim da nisam kriva, mislim da će biti teže da iscelim. to je lično rešenje, i divim ženama koje može im pojaviti, ali znam da ja ne bih.

kako da iscelis ako ne rascistis sa sobom ?
ako cutis broj silovanja moze biti ucestaliji.Kako znas da onda nece silovati neku drugu?
Sta god da ti kaze neko, nikako ne mozes ti biti kriva.
Ako ga prijavis mozes mu samo staviti do znanja da zelis da sav taj bolesni cirkus prestane i da si jaca od njega, da si jaca od kukavice koji ne moze nista drugo da uradi od svog zivota osim da siluje nekog ko je nemocan.

Originally posted by Swanheart
kako da iscelis ako ne rascistis sa sobom ?
ako cutis broj silovanja moze biti ucestaliji.Kako znas da onda nece silovati neku drugu?
Sta god da ti kaze neko, nikako ne mozes ti biti kriva.
Ako ga prijavis mozes mu samo staviti do znanja da zelis da sav taj bolesni cirkus prestane i da si jaca od njega, da si jaca od kukavice koji ne moze nista drugo da uradi od svog zivota osim da siluje nekog ko je nemocan.

nisam jača od njega. I znam da će ponovo uraditi neku drugu. I znam da ja sam sama kriva zbog toga jer sam ćutala. A i dalje bih ćutala.

elem pokušala sam par puta, ima par ljudi s kim sam pričala o tome. I pišem o tome. Pisati je lakše nego govoriti. A pojaviti nikako ne bih mogla. Mama misli da sam kriva i da sam ponašala protiv Božje volje. Sa njom ne bih pokušala opet pričati. Znam da policaj očekuje da dokaziš da nisi kriva. Bolje ćutiti.

Originally posted by pthalo

Originally posted by Swanheart
@pthalo
i sta bi postigla cutanjem da se to opet ponovi?

u 2006 u Mađarskoj, 96% zeňe su ćutale. Da ne ćutim šta bih postigla? Ništa. Da ćutim, bar ne treba da dokazim da nisam kriva. Neću da čujem "zar nisi vrištala?" ili "zar nisi glasnije vrištala?" "da li si uradila sve što je bilo u tvojoj moći?" (da, ali kako da to dokazim?). Da ćutim, ne bi trebalo ponovo i ponovo objasniti šta se dogodilo, ne bi trebalo ponovo i ponovo ga videti. I ako ne mogu da dokazim da nisam kriva, mislim da će biti teže da iscelim. to je lično rešenje, i divim ženama koje može im pojaviti, ali znam da ja ne bih.

Svaka tebi čast na tome što, za početak, pišeš o tome otvoreno u ovoj temi.

mogu pisati. govoriti je teško.

Originally posted by pthalo


nisam jača od njega. I znam da će ponovo uraditi neku drugu. I znam da ja sam sama kriva zbog toga jer sam ćutala. A i dalje bih ćutala.

elem pokušala sam par puta, ima par ljudi s kim sam pričala o tome. I pišem o tome. Pisati je lakše nego govoriti. A pojaviti nikako ne bih mogla. Mama misli da sam kriva i da sam ponašala protiv Božje volje. Sa njom ne bih pokušala opet pričati. Znam da policaj očekuje da dokaziš da nisi kriva. Bolje ćutiti.

sta god da ti mama kaze ne mozes biti ti kriva.

hmm..imam pitanje vezano za ovu temu, pa ono ako neko zna..sta ako je taj slucaj kao sto obicno biva "zatrpan" i proslo je jako dosta godina od kad se to desilo, na koji nacin se moze sve to pokrenuti i hoce li imati prilike da "pravda" izadje na videlo ili ipak treba po sistemu preuzmi stvar u svoje ruke?

Originally posted by Dzi
hmm..imam pitanje vezano za ovu temu, pa ono ako neko zna..sta ako je taj slucaj kao sto obicno biva "zatrpan" i proslo je jako dosta godina od kad se to desilo, na koji nacin se moze sve to pokrenuti i hoce li imati prilike da "pravda" izadje na videlo ili ipak treba po sistemu preuzmi stvar u svoje ruke?

U našoj zemlji - čisto sumnjam.

Pre nekoliko godina... Tip je silovao ribu u Karađorđevom parku. Svi ljudi iz ulice su stajali na prozorima i gledali. Jedino je moja mama pozvala pandure...

Lm, na sudu... Sudija je moju mamu, svedoka, SUOČIO sa manijakom, pritom dotičnom davši sve podatke o njoj izrekavši ih javno. Postavljana su pitanja:"Da li ste vi sigurni da je on nju silovao?" pošto je devojka jadna ćutala od šoka... U jednom trenutku, moja mama se osećala kao optužena. Lm, oslobođen je. Sudija je bila žena. Toliko o tome.

I da, naravno... Dotični je kasnije proganjao moju mamu, zvao je na kuću, pretio kako će mene nešto jer zna gde i kad idem u školu i sl. Naravno... Tata ga je uhvatio jedan dan i izlemao tako da mislim da više neće moći ni da mu se digne, a kamoli da proba nekoga opet da siluje.

..kao sto sam i mislila

...zaista ne kapiram takve osobe..a jos manje organe koji vode nasu zemlju...

Originally posted by pthalo
mogu pisati. govoriti je teško.

I to je nešto.

Savetujem ti da se priključiš nekom forumu kao što je na http://www.aftersilence.org/ ...

mislim da su batine mala stvar...

Originally posted by dungoll

Originally posted by bigirl
Statistika je poražavajuća.

statistika kao i uvek služi za obmanjivanje mase!

Ne vidim u kojoj meri ova statistika obmanjuje masu.

Ja znam koje su to dve osobe iz moje okoline koje je neko pokušao da siluje. Znate li vi koje su to dve osobe iz vaše okoline??

Originally posted by Dzi
mislim da su batine mala stvar...

Naravno. Ne mogu zameniti nekome oduzeto, niti ga ispraviti.

Iskopala sam davno jednu jako jako jako dobru rečenicu koju je napisala na jednom forumu žrtva silovanja, no sada jebeno ne mogu da je nađem... Čim nađem - kopiram ovde. Mene je to užasno dotaklo i rasplakalo...

..verujem ti i razumem te.. tesko mi je da pricam o tome posebno ne ovde..
obavezno iskopiraj recenicu volela bih da je procitam..

pokušala sam ovde: http://www.pandys.org/

teže je na engleskom, jer to mi je maternji jezik, i engleski reči više boli. a trebalo bi da imam hrabrosti da pišem na engleskom. ponekad to uradim.

kad se dešava više puta, teže je verovati da nisi kriva. zlostavljena sam od 86 ili 87 do 93, onda jedan pokušaj silovanje u 2001, onda silovana u 2006 (jun, 19). i on me je stalkirao od 2006 septembra do 2008 maja. tada sam iselila u Mađarskoj, moje stvari su kod moje drugarice, i trenutno sam u Arizone kod majke. Nadam se da biće kraj kad se vratim u Mađarsku, neće znati gde ću stanujeti. Tri osobe su me povredili tako. lakše je verovati da 1 osoba (ja) je kriva, nego 3 drugačiji ljudi. al retko govorim o tome što sam kriva jer ljudi ili se slažu sa mnom, ili kaže da nisam, ali možde ni oni ne znaju zašto nisam kriva, samo zna da treba to reći.

At the age of 22, Tori was raped by a fan in 1984 when she offered to give him a ride home after a performance. This man held her hostage and raped and tortured her for hours. The rape left Tori silent for many years until she saw "Thelma and Louise" in a movie theater, which triggered an emotional response in her, reminding her of her own rape. It was then that she began to heal. Within hours, she had written "Me and A Gun, an a cappela song that gives a chilling account of her rape. Tori sings this song at almost every performance.

"How am I alive to tell you this tale when he was ready to slice me up? In the song I say it was Me and a Gun but it wasn't a gun. It was a knife he had. And the idea was to take me to his friends and cut me up, and he kept telling me that, for hours. And if he hadn't needed more drugs I would have been just one more news report, where you see the parents grieving for their daughter. And I was singing hymns, as I say in the song, because he told me to. I sang to stay alive. Yet I survived that torture, which left me urinating all over myself and left me paralyzed for years. That's what that night was all about, mutilation, more than violation through sex."

Me and A Gun - Tori Amos

5 am friday morning thursday night far from sleep
i'm still up and driving can't go home obviously
so i just change direction cause they'll soon know where i live and i wanna live

got a full tank and some chips
it was me and a gun and a man on my back
and i sang holy holy as he buttoned down his pants
you can laugh it's kinda funny the things you think at times
like these like i haven't seen barbados so i must get out of this
me and a gun and a man on my back
but i haven't seen barbados so i must get out of this
yes i wore a slinky red thing does that mean i should spread
for you your friends your father mr. ed
and i know what this means
me and jesus a few years back used to hang
and he said "it's your choice babe,
just remember i don't think you'll be back in three days time so you choose well"
tell me what's right
is my right to be on my stomach in fred's seville
and do you know carolina where the biscuits are soft and sweet
these things go through your head when there's a man on your back
and you're pushed flat on your stomach it's not a classic cadillac